I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

George Carlin

Mots clés humor funny alcohol laugh warning-labels

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I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.

George Carlin

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I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.

George Carlin

Mots clés humor funny

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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.

George Carlin

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So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today.

George Carlin

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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.

George Carlin

Mots clés military-life-air-force-bombs

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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.

George Carlin

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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

George Carlin

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I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade

George Carlin

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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

George Carlin

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