I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans.
Jarod KintzI love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep.
Jarod KintzIf flowers were boogers, I'd pick a few big ones and flick them on your grave.
Jarod KintzI always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42.
Jarod KintzYesterday I memorized Shakespeare, and tomorrow I'm also going to memorize his first name.
Jarod KintzI want to get the huge wart that looks like a nose removed from my back, but first I'm going to try to grow a mustache underneath it, to make it less noticeable.
Jarod KintzA banker is a man who will lend you the short sleeve shirt off his back and demand a long sleeve one in return.
Jarod KintzI want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium.
Jarod KintzI want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole my happy trail?
Jarod KintzI want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming.
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