A blanket could be used to cover my couch. Nobody should see that I constructed my sofa on the bones of my ancestors.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used to bring about a pantsless revolution. A zipper is just a gate holding you back, man.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used as an American flag. It could keep the world warm with its patronizing patriotism and imperialism.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used to make people smile. But the blanket won’t make just anyone smile—it will make people with no mouths smile. I plan on showing a live audience how it works at the next Helen Keller Convention.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used to make all your dreams come true. Well, not all of them. Just the ones that are happening while you are sleeping.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used to brighten up your day, like a lampshade over the sun dangling down over your dining room table. You’d better apply sunscreen to your ice cream or it’ll likely melt in your bedpan.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used to rob a bank. Guns are so Bonnie and Clyde, but a blanket bank robbery has a certain amount of seduction involved. A blanket has a lot more banging involved than the bang-bang of a gun.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be used to help you remember. You’re probably tempted to ask, “Remember what?” And that’s precisely my point—you can’t even remember what you can’t remember, and I’m here with a blanket to help. So scoot over and let me lay in your bed with you.
Jarod KintzA brick could be used to help defeat all incumbent politicians whose last name starts with Brj and anything after that alphabetically. Since people tend to vote for the first one on the ballot, Brick would not only benefit from the stupidity of the citizenry, but the people would benefit by electing the smarter of the two candidates.
Jarod KintzA blanket could be frozen and used to cool off a warm body as you slowly thaw it out.
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