Your father sounds frightening," Trayton said.

"He once made a general cry."

"No."

"I shit you not. The guy had to retire after that. I mean, really, who's going to follow your orders after some damn colonel's reduced you to tears?

Jennifer Rardin

Tags: humor



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Vayl, this is not a pleasant moment for me," I confessed.

"No?"

"Locked in a windowless, doorless room with a dancing, headless corpse and a secret sucker that can move fast enought to tear us both a new one if I miss?

Jennifer Rardin

Tags: humor



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Is your butt buzzing?"

Cole, you have the worst timing! I jerked upright, tring to pull my phone out of my pocket and managing instead to bang my elbow against the wall.
Ow! Oh, shit that hurts! You know, the guy who decided it should be a funny bone was just a freaking masochist. Or is it a sadist? I always get those mixed up.

Jennifer Rardin

Tags: humor



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Hey, if you decided to tear up the town, you can always use the leftover bread from my breakfast in place of your cane. I'm pretty sure it's hard enough to bust heads.

Jennifer Rardin

Tags: humor



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Have you dared to eat my son?"

I laughed. Actually, it started out as more of a giggle that grew. Because my mind went straight to the gutter.

Jennifer Rardin

Tags: humor



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Who brings baby pictures on an international flight?" I hissed. "If I'd wanted my bare ass paraded in front of all the first-class ticket holders I'd have mooned everyone before we took off!

Jennifer Rardin

Tags: humor



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Apparently you don't have to observe the Rules of Etiquette when reuniting with a muderous spouse.

Jennifer Rardin

Tags: humor



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When I bite you, it'll be because I want to make your toes curl and your hair stand on end. And you won't need stitches afterward. You'll need crutches.

Jennifer Rardin


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Hey, if you're going to price yourself, I say go high.

Jennifer Rardin


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Cassandra,” he said, “I hope you know that poaching Muppets is illegal in this country.

Jennifer Rardin

Tags: jennifer-rardin-cole



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