Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About:
- Titanic sinking again.
- Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda.
- Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies.

Jim Benton

Tags: puppies funny titanic careless panda

Go to quote

---

This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.

Jim Benton

Tags: funny running vampire psycho maniac cannibal

Go to quote

---

There are four categories of questions Emmily asks:
1. Can I please go to the bathroom?
2. Where is the bathroom?
3. Is it okay if I raise my hand and ask a question?
4. I don't understand anything you've said in the last thirty minutes. Could you explain it again? Also the last six weeks.

Jim Benton

Tags: dumb funny question bathroom

Go to quote

---

I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had out.

Jim Benton

Tags: science funny scientists electrons

Show the quote in German

Show the quote in French

Show the quote in Italian

Go to quote

---

How Superheroes Make Money:
- Spider-Man knits sweaters.
- Superman screw the lids on pickle jars.
- Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.

Jim Benton

Tags: funny knitting superman superheroes iron-man spiderman pickle reference-to-superheroes

Show the quote in German

Show the quote in French

Show the quote in Italian

Go to quote

---

For the love of all humanity, shake what your mama gave you!

Jim Benton

Tags: humrm-franny-k-stein

Go to quote

---

Okay, Dumb Diary, school has taught me a few things over the years. Once, it taught me the difference between alligators and crocodiles. (Even alligators and crocodiles don't really care. Just avoid both.)

Jim Benton

Go to quote

---

Your life is like a pizza.
It could be round, it could be square.
But you'll enjoy it most of all
When it's something that you share.

Jim Benton

Go to quote

---

Life is like a pizza.
It is good to eat.
You better share your pizza with me.
You greedy Piggy slob.

Jim Benton

Go to quote

---

Homework strongly indicates that the teachers are not doing their jobs well enough during the school day. It's not like they'll let you bring your home stuff to school and work on it there. You can't say, 'I didn't finish sleeping at home, so I have to work on finishing my sleep here.

Jim Benton

Tags: school homework

Go to quote

---

« first previous
Page 2 of 3.
next last »

---

---