The press conference was held in a courtroom at the new county courthouse, a space that did its best to translate justice into laminated wood.

John Sandford


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Even thinking was hard.

John Sandford

Tags: helicopter-landing



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Does Raggedy Ann have a cotton crotch?

John Sandford


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....there are as many nuts on the left as there are on the right, and in the long run, the lefties are probably more dangerous.

John Sandford


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Time passes, but sometimes it beats the shit out of you as it goes.

John Sandford


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Got here half an hour ago and had a look, eyeballin' it," Sawyer said. "It's murder, all right. Tell you something else - the sun went down, and it's as dark as the inside of a horses's ass out here."
"You're sure?"
"Well, I've never actually been inside a horses's ass.

John Sandford

Tags: humor horse bad-blood virgil-flowers



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I once defenestrated a guy. The cops got all pissed off at me. I was drunk, but they said that was no excuse."

"Ah well," Virgil said. Then, "The guy hurt bad?"

"Cracked his hip. Landed on a Prius. Really fucked up the Prius, too."

"I can tell you, just now is the only time in my life I ever heard 'defenestration' used in a sentence," Virgil said.

"It's a word you learn after you done it," Morton said. "Yup. The New Prague AmericInn, 2009."

Virgil was amazed. "Really? The defenstration of New Prague?

John Sandford


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Does a chicken have lips?

John Sandford


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Nuts don’t come in bunches. Only grapes do.

John Sandford


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First she got Jesus, probably fifteen years ago, and that didn’t work out, so she tried Scientology, and that didn’t help, but it cost a lot of money, so she tried Buddhism and yoga, and those didn’t work, so she started drinking. I think that helped, because she’s still drinking.

John Sandford


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