You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly.
Mom!
What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?
I tucked him in with his stuffed-animal pet dog—cleverly named Dog-Dog, by the way.
Jordan SonnenblickMr. Watras asked me whether I was practicing, and I told him I was practicing my tissue basketball skills.
Jordan Sonnenblick(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers’ shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)
Jordan SonnenblickChicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.
Jordan SonnenblickYou can be our critic. Would you dig that? (Yes, he was the last Man in America who could say “dig” with a straight face without referring to the process of using a tool to remove dirt from the ground.)
Jordan SonnenblickThis was the kid who used to toddle over to my bed at 6 o’ clock in the morning every weekend morning to pull on my blankets so I’d get up and watch cartoons with him. This was the kid who once made me play Hungry Hungry Hippos for an hour straight, until I thought my hands were going to fall off from slamming down those dumb little levers to make the hippos’ heads move. This was the kid who had spent an entire days at a time begging me to play Chutes and Ladders with him. And now he was feeling too sick to play with me.
Jordan SonnenblickI seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks and gasoline cans, and my parents would be oblivious, as long as I was keeping myself occupied.
Jordan SonnenblickI’ll probably just stand in a corner, trying not to be noticed, until the decoration committee accidentally packs me into a box at the end of the night. There I will lie, crammed in between rolls of crepe paper, until the New Year’s dance two months from now.
Jeffrey thought about this for a moment and said, Won’t they notice the box is too heavy when they go to put it away?
Take care, Jeffy. I’ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don’t want to get any complaint calls, OK?
Steven, I don’t throw food at…oh, that was a joke, right?
Yup, buddy boy. It was a joke. But seriously, no kissing the nurses on the lips, either. It messes up their makeup.
Eeeeeeewwwww!
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