Treat the world like a head.

Karl Pilkington

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I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

Karl Pilkington

Tags: biology humour scientific-research an-idiot-abroad

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I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.

Karl Pilkington

Tags: humor stupidity funny

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I always have a problem liking things that I'm told I should like. This has been the problem with most of the Wonders I have seen so far. The fact that this one is called the 'Great' Wall of China annoys me. I'll decide if it's great or not. It might end up being the 'All Right Wall of China' to me.

Karl Pilkington

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There is no need for ants to have the ability to fly

Karl Pilkington

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A block of blood should not have the word "cake" after it...they might as well say "shite gateau

Karl Pilkington

Tags: food asia foreign abroad

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I've never been touched by such an old man.

Karl Pilkington

Tags: who-needs-context

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I always have a problem liking things I'm told I should like.

Karl Pilkington

Tags: life conforming telling relatable liking

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I look at life like a big book and sometimes you get half way through it and go 'Even though I've been enjoying it, I've had enough. Give us another book

Karl Pilkington

Tags: humor

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She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?

Karl Pilkington

Tags: humour

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