A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.
Mark TwainTags: music
We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.
Mark TwainA little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best of medicines and the best doctors
Mark TwainIt ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts that I do understand.
Mark TwainTags: bible
God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
Mark TwainBarring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.
Mark TwainEvery time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail. What you gain at one end you lose at the other. It's like feeding a dog on his own tail. It won't fatten the dog.
Mark TwainTags: education school-jail
In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
Mark TwainTags: humor language french irony
A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.
Mark TwainTags: religion
I was gradually coming to have a mysterious and shuddery reverence for this girl; nowadays whenever she pulled out from the station and got her train fairly started on one of those horizonless transcontinental sentences of hers, it was borne in upon me that I was standing in the awful presence of the Mother of the German Language. I was so impressed with this, that sometimes when she began to empty one of these sentences on me I unconsciously took the very attitude of reverence, and stood uncovered; and if words had been water, I had been drowned, sure. She had exactly the German way; whatever was in her mind to be delivered, whether a mere remark, or a sermon, or a cyclopedia, or the history of a war, she would get it into a single sentence or die. Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
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