A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
Mark TwainTags: humor conscience memory
When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.
Mark TwainTags: anger
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
Mark TwainKindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Mark TwainTags: inspirational kindness
My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water.
Mark TwainThe face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book- a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. And it was not a book to be read once and thrown aside, for it had a new story to tell every day.
Mark TwainThere was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
Mark TwainOne of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Mark TwainTags: humor-lies
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in heaven.
Mark TwainI don't want no better book than what your face is.
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