I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
Oscar LevantRoses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar LevantYou can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)
Oscar LevantOnce I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.
Oscar LevantA pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first.
Oscar LevantWhen I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.
Oscar LevantOn Ira Gershwin:
I remember when he was given the manuscript of a novel written by a woman friend who had hopes of having it published. To his astonishment it turned out to be the dirtiest, most pornographic book he had ever read. When the lady mentioned that she intended to use a nom de plume, Ira suggested she call herself Henrietta Miller.
Tags: humor
I'm controversial. My friends either dislike me or hate me
Oscar LevantTags: friendship
First I brush my teeth and then I sharpen my tongue.
Oscar LevantTags: misattributed-dorothy-parker
There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.
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