My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married adn I didn't want him to.

Rita Rudner

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When I met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always

Rita Rudner

Tags: men-women

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My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.

Rita Rudner

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Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

Rita Rudner

Tags: funny explains-a-lot

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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

Rita Rudner

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Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Rita Rudner

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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner

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In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Rita Rudner

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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

Rita Rudner

Tags: relationships dating meeting-men

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I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.

Rita Rudner

Tags: life

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