Expecting hell, we're ill prepared for heaven.
Shalom AuslanderVans are the vehicles of murderers. Serial Killers. Rapists. Thieves. Nothing good ever happens in a van. Police should be allowed to arrest van drivers without cause. The van is the cause, asshole.
Shalom AuslanderEvery Jew was the last Jew; Tevye the Terminal, every single one. Yet, Kugel couldn't help but observe, in all that time - no last Jew. There had been a last Assyrian. There had been a last Ammonite. There had been a last Babylonian, a last Mesopotamian, a last of the Mohicans. But no last Jew.
Shalom AuslanderKugel awoke early the next morning, turning his face from the harsh rays of intruding sunlight that stretched across the room like some goddamned thing that stretches across some other goddamned thing.
Why did children always draw the sun smiling? he wondered. It's a giant ball of fire, kids. It's rage and fury. Whatever it's doing, it isn't fucking smiling.
Kugel was a firm believer that death was not always a bad thing - that life often reached such levels of crapitude that dying was preferable to living.
Shalom AuslanderWhat a world, thought Kugel; whoever you were, wherever you were, whatever time of the day or night, you could open your back door and call out I know you're out there motherfucker, and nine times out of ten you'd be right.
Shalom AuslanderKugel set off, the wind in what would have been, some years ago, his hair.
Shalom AuslanderI'm down here, trying to live, trying to deal with the real world, while you're hiding, bitching, fucking everyone's shit up but your own, so shut up, just shut the fuck up. Thirty-two million copies, thirty-two million copies, that's what you got for your pain. What do I get for mine? What does anyone get for theirs? Nothing, not a fucking thing, they get another goddamned day of it and another goddamned day of it after that, so just shut up, will you? Will you just shut up?
Shalom AuslanderSOLOMON KUGEL
His performance, of late,
had been subpar.
Born, unfortunately. Died eventually.
Let him be floored, O Lord, thought Kugel.
Let him be stunned.
Let him be flabber-fucking-gasted.
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