So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
Stephen ColbertTags: humor
Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
Stephen ColbertThe way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
Stephen ColbertRemember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes'.
Stephen ColbertTags: wisdom optimism cynicism youth
I report, I decide.
Stephen ColbertI live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.
Stephen ColbertTurn up your hearing aid 'Grandpa', because I'm only going to say this once!
Stephen ColbertTags: humor
I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
Stephen ColbertMy character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot, ... So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.
Stephen ColbertTags: humor
Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.
Stephen ColbertTags: humor
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