The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.

Steven Wright


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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Steven Wright


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Una conciencia tranquila es generalmente el signo de una mala memoria

Steven Wright


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is it good if a vacume really sucks?

Steven Wright


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always remember your unique, just like everone else

Steven Wright


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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark

Steven Wright


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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Steven Wright

Tags: comedy plagiarism comedian



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Everyone who believes in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Steven Wright


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I was trying to daydream but my mind kept wandering.

Steven Wright


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The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Steven Wright


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