The thing is, I mean, there’s times when you look at the universe and you think, “What about me?” and you can just hear the universe replying, “Well, what about you?”

Terry Pratchett

Tags: universe



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Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.

Terry Pratchett


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You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don't you?

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humour consumerism humans



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Don't be smart. Smart is only a polished version of dumb. Try intelligence. It will surely see you through.

Terry Pratchett


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He couldn’t see why people made such a fuss about people eating their silly old fruit anyway, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn’t. And there was never an apple, in Adam’s opinion, that wasn’t worth the trouble you got into for eating it.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: forbidden-fruit



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This wasn't food - it was what food became if it had been good and gone to food heaven.

Terry Pratchett


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Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?"
"Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humour fantasy trolls siege-engines



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What did they feed the lions and tigers with in the ark, sir?

Terry Pratchett


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I see evil when I look in my shaving mirror. It is, philosophically, present everywhere in the universe in order, apparently, to highlight the existence of good. I think there is more to this theory, but I tend to burst out laughing at this point.

Terry Pratchett


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A lot hinges on the fact that, in most circumstances, people are not allowed to hit you with a mallet. They put up all kinds of visible and invisible signs that say, 'Do not do this' in the hope that it'll work, but if it doesn't, then they shrug, because there is, really, no real mallet at all.

Terry Pratchett


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