I smell panic," said Serge. "These are different animals now. They're starting to winnow out the weak at the fringe of the herd. We need to hurry or this could affect our snack situation.

Tim Dorsey

Tags: hammerhead-ranch-motel



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Belong to a religion? Doesn't bother me if you do, as long as it's not one that says to stop thinking and be loud about it.

Tim Dorsey

Tags: serge-storms-religion



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Almighty Father, please stop making jerks. Amen...Break!

Tim Dorsey

Tags: serge-storms-god-religion



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Don't make fun of people who are different. Unless they have more money and influence. Then you must

Tim Dorsey

Tags: power



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I'm getting a diamond-hard boner just thinking about it.

Tim Dorsey

Tags: boners-erections



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Always walk away from a fight. Then ambush.

Tim Dorsey

Tags: fight fighting tim-dorsey



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Hang on to your dreams with everything you got. Because the best life is when your dreams come true. The second-best is when they don't but you never stop chasing them.

Tim Dorsey

Tags: life dreams life-lessons tim-dorsey



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Look forward to the wonderment of growing up, raising a family and driving by the gas station where the popular kids now work.

Tim Dorsey

Tags: growing-up family popularity-tim-dorsey



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I realize the congressman isn't in. I want you to deliver this message to him personally: Tell him to shut his goddamn mouth!... I know we're working behind the scenes to protect the oil company from its victims. That's exactly why he needs to go mute. Those were the strict ground rules from the beginning of his term: no press conferences, no interviews except Fox, and sit like a silent lump in the committee... Because he's fucking stupid! And I'm not going to let him throw this away! Do you have any idea how hard it was to get a moron like that elected?

Tim Dorsey

Tags: pineapple-grenade



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The television was on Florida Cable News. A gray-haired man behind the anchor desk reported near tragedy at a state motor vehicle office, where a man who had failed the eye exam pulled a gun and fired fifteen shots at the staff, hitting nobody.

Tim Dorsey

Tags: humor



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