It could have been a thief or a murderer. I considered crying out. A thief would run away, but a murderer would murder me. On the other hand, the murderer would probably murder me if I didn't too. That was his whole thing.

Yahtzee Croshaw

Tags: humor murder thief zero-punctuation yahtzee



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The root problem with Christianity is that their god is supposed to be all-powerful and benevolent. It sounds like an easy sell, but when life turns completely to shit, you have to come up with all kinds of whacked-out reasons for why kindly old Jehovah saw fit to run over little Timmy with a combine harvester and leave him in a state of vegetative, limbless agony for eighteen years.

Yahtzee Croshaw

Tags: christianity zero-punctuation



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The main problem I always have with multiplayer is that human beings are grabby, entitled, selfish, ugly, stupid, evil cockstoppers.

Yahtzee Croshaw

Tags: zero-punctuation



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This is about as simple as games get. There isn't even the paltriest context for what you're doing; you're not exacting revenge on limbless pigs or feeding your pet bitch-lizard. You're a ninja, fruit is flying up in front of you, and fuck fruit. Sitting around all smug on trees and in pies.

Yahtzee Croshaw

Tags: zero-punctuation



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It's way too long and I gave up on it. Abandoning forever an innocent child to a hostile and unforgiving land. Sometimes I still hear him crying late at night. He sounds exactly like a malfunctioning air conditioner.

Yahtzee Croshaw

Tags: zero-punctuation



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My non American viewers. Who understand that the world does not consist solely of a single nation sailing across an infinite sea of migrant workers. Will no doubt have heard that the waters surrounding Brisbane got tired of waiting for people to hit the beach and decided to bring the party to us.

Yahtzee Croshaw

Tags: america australia zero-punctuation



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There's a new spell you get around level 50 called "Mirror Image" which might as well be called "Reap On, Ye Fucking Reaper Man".

Yahtzee Croshaw

Tags: zero-punctuation



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Maybe she's preemptively getting her karmic backlash for that, but there's something icky about all this. Yes, the "hello, boys" chest like two friendly chinchillas, Bigfoot ball stomper Lara Croft was oversexualized, but this is still sexualization from the opposite, somehow even creepier side of the coin. At least that Tyrannosaurus in the first game never tried to feel her up.

Yahtzee Croshaw

Tags: sexism zero-punctuation



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It creates an effective contrast, like riding a bike down a long and peaceful country road and every other hundred yards the bike turns into a bear.

Yahtzee Croshaw

Tags: zero-punctuation



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Horrors from beyond the veil of time and space are coming to eat us so shut up, sounds like a pretty good draw card for a leader to have.

Yahtzee Croshaw

Tags: zero-punctuation



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