Money can't buy you friends, but you do get a better class of enemy.
Spike MilliganTags: absurd
You know, Maude . . . somebody meeting you for the first time -- not knowing you were cracked -- might get the wrong impression of you.
Preston SturgesTags: absurd
This is the story of two men who met in a banana republic. One of them never did anything dishonest in his life except for one crazy minute. The other never did anything honest in his life except for one crazy minute.
Preston SturgesTags: absurd
THE POLITICIAN
If it wasn't for graft, you'd get a very low type of people in politics. Men without ambition. Jellyfish!
CATHERINE
Especially since you can't rob the people anyway.
THE POLITICIAN
Sure...How was that?
CATHERINE
What you rob, you spend. And what you spend goes back to the people. So where's the robbery? I read that in one of my father's books.
THE POLITICIAN
That book should be in every home!
The one thing I remember about Christmas was that my father used to take me out in a boat about ten miles offshore on Christmas Day, and I used to have to swim back. Extraordinary. It was a ritual.
Mind you, that wasn't the hard part. The difficult bit was getting out of the sack.
Tags: absurd
All right, You Great Git, You've asked for it. I'll cover the world in Tastee-Freez and Wimpy Burgers. I'll fill it with concrete runways, motorways, aircraft, television, automobiles, advertising, plastic flowers, frozen food and supersonic bangs. I'll make it so noisy and disgusting that even You'll be ashamed of Yourself! No wonder You've so few friends. You're unbelievable!
Peter CookTags: absurd
Job was what you'd technically describe as a loony.
Peter CookTags: absurd
When I was a kid we had a sandbox. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually.
Steven WrightSeeking what is true is not seeking what is desirable.
Albert CamusTags: truth honesty absurd existentialism seeking
Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Groucho MarxTags: absurd
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