The snag about marriage is, it isn´t worth the divorce.
Suzanne FinnamoreTags: deception marriage relationships infidelity divorce breaking-up cheating
Surprises, I feel now, are primarily a form of violence.
Suzanne FinnamoreTags: deception marriage relationships infidelity divorce breaking-up cheating
To keep myself from harming or calling N and to stave off the rage and despair, I focus on my extraordinary son, drink midrange Chardonnay every night after he is asleep, and make a barrage of late-night mail-order retail purchases placed from the couch. The couch has officially become my second battle station. I am angry and I have credit And I´m all blackened inside; I should wear a pointy witch hat around Larkspur as I go to the bank and drop A off at day care. It would be more honest.
Suzanne FinnamoreTags: deception marriage relationships infidelity divorce breaking-up cheating
God is great and God is good," Lisa says. "But where are the Apache attack helicopters when you need them?
Suzanne FinnamoreTags: deception marriage relationships infidelity divorce breaking-up cheating
I know my vision is impaired and cannot be trusted with even the simplest tasks, much less dating. Not that I´ve come within talon distance of a man.
Suzanne FinnamoreTags: deception marriage relationships infidelity divorce breaking-up cheating
I´m just not sending out the right vibe lately. Perhaps the fact that I wear stained sweatpants and free T-shirts is holding me back. I just can´t seem to get back into the intelligent-slut-for-hire outfits that lure men; even shoes with laces evade me. Plus my hair is Fran Lebowitz-esque. I think my eyes are getting closer together. I don´t know.
Suzanne FinnamoreTags: deception marriage relationships infidelity divorce breaking-up cheating
How could you do that to me?" I repeat. I don´t have to itemize. He knows what I speak of.
Eventually N produces three answers, in this order:
1. "Because I am a complete rotter." I silently agree, but it´s a cop-out: I have maggots, therefore I am dead.
2. "I was stressed at work and unhappy and we were always fighting...and you know I was just crazy..."
I cut him off, saying, "You don´t get to be crazy. You did exactly what you chose to do."
Which is true, he did. It is what he has always done. He therefore seems slightly puzzled at the need for further diagnosis, which may explain his third response:
3. "I don´t know."
This, I feel instinctively, is the correct answer. How can I stay angry with him for being what he is? I was, after all, his wife, and I chose him. No coincidences, that´s what Freud said. None. Ever.
I wipe my eyes on my sleeve and walk toward the truck, saying to his general direction, "Fine. At least now I know: You don´t know."
I stop and turn around and fire one more question: a bullet demanding attention in the moment it enters the skin and spreads outward, an important bullet that must be acknowledged.
"What did you feel?"
After a lengthy pause, he answers. "I felt nothing."
And that, I realize too late, was not the whole truth, but was a valid part of the truth.
Oh, and welcome to the Serengeti. That too.
Tags: deception marriage relationships infidelity divorce breaking-up cheating
Moving on is easy. It's staying moved on that's trickier.
Katerina Stoykova KlemerTags: love relationships moving-on breaking-up
And I was -- this is just how I was afraid you'd take it. I knew it, that you'd think this means you were right to be afraid all the time and never feel secure or trust me. I knew it'd be "See, you're leaving after all when you promised you wouldn't." I knew it but I'm trying to explain anyway, okay? And I know you probably won't understand this either, but --wait-- just try to listen and maybe absorb this, okay? Ready? Me leaving is not the confirmation of all your fears about me. It is not. It's because of them.
David Foster WallaceTags: love breaking-up
I don't balance you like you need."
"What the hell does that mean?" he exclaimed.
My heart ached for him, and I was so sorry for what I'd done...but this was the truth of it all. "The fact that you have to ask says it all. When you find that person...you'll know.
Tags: true-love breaking-up
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