The only thing which really seemed to pay off in life, if you went by Mary Pedersen's example, was sleeping with your superiors.
Jonas ErikssonTags: humor comedy dark-humor
Something bad was about to happen. My wife was being clever again.
Gillian FlynnTags: humor marriage dark-humor women-s-strength
Give the wilding an axe, why not?" He pointed out Mormont's weapon, a short-hafted battle-axe with gold scrollwork inlaid on the black steel blade. "He'll give it back, I vow. Buried in the Old Bear's skull, like as not. why not give him all our axes, and our swords as well? I mislike the way the clank and rattle as we ride. We'd travel faster without them, straight to hell's door. Does it rain in hell, I wonder? Perhaps Craster would like a nice hat instead."
Jon smiled. "He wants an axe. And wine as well."
"See, the Old Bear's clever. If we get the wildling well and truly drunk, perhaps he'll only cut off an ear when he tries to slay us with that axe. I have two ears but only one head.
Tags: dark-humor sarcastic-humor
Moreover, man carries in his heart the desire always to wield his scientific knowledge in service of the greater good. He would of course never use it for destructive purposes. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ...
Jacques TardiTags: humanity evil dark-humor dark-humour
Never a good sign, he thought, when the crows showed up.
Justin CroninTags: dark-humor vampires apocalypse armageddon creepy crows harbinger
In the beginning there was Logos...and God of course. And it was all extremely boring for Logos because he could never beat God at any game...
Yannis KaratsiorisTags: humor fantasy dark-humor urban-fantasy
I could croak with no warning, and the only tragedy anyone would experience would be showing up on the last day of my estate sale simply to discover that all remaining items had copious amounts of dog hair on them.
Laurie NotaroTags: humor dogs death dark-humor
I'm afraid it's not nonsense," Genghis said, shaking his turbaned head and continuing his story. "As I was saying before the little girl interrupted me, the baby didn't dash off with the other orphans. She just sat there like a sack of flour. So I walked over to her and gave her a kick to get her moving."
"Excellent idea!" Nero said. "What a wonderful story this is! And then what happened?"
"Well, at first it seemed like I'd kicked a big hole in the baby," Genghis said, his eyes shining, "which seemed lucky, because Sunny was a terrible athlete and it would have been a blessing to put her out of her misery."
Nero clapped his hands. "I know just what you mean, Genghis," he said. "She's a terrible secretary as well."
"But she did all that stapling," Mr. Remora protested.
"Shut up and let the coach finish his story," Nero said.
"But when I looked down," Genghis continued, "I saw that I hadn't kicked a hole in a baby. I'd kicked a hole in a bag of flour! I'd been tricked!"
"That's terrible!" Nero cried.
Tags: apathy absurd cruelty dark-humor nonsense baby lemony-snicket black-humor a-series-of-unfortunate-events the-austere-academy count-olaf cruel-joke
The Baudelaire orphans hung on to one another, and wept and wept while the adults argued endlessly behind them. Finally-as, I'm sorry to say, Count Olaf forced the Quagmires into puppy costumes so he could sneak them onto the airplane without anyone noticing-the Baudelaires cried themselves out and just sat on the lawn together in weary silence.
Lemony SnicketTags: random absurd dark-humor cruel lemony-snicket black-humor a-series-of-unfortunate-events the-austere-academy puppy-costumes
Let’s be honest, Mr. Ravenwood. You have no place in this town. You are not part of it and clearly, neither is your niece. I don’t think you are in any position to make demands.”
“Mrs. Lincoln, I appreciate your candor, and I will try to be as frank with you as you have been with me. It would be a grave error for you, for anyone in this town, really, to pursue this matter. You see, I have a great deal of means. I’m a bit of a spendthrift, if you will. If you try to prevent my niece from returning to Stonewall Jackson High School, I will be forced to spend some of that money. Who knows, perhaps I’ll bring in a Wal-Mart.”
There was another gasp from the bleachers.
“Is that a threat?”
“Not at all.
Tags: dark-humor threats
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