It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore.
James HetfieldTags: humor humour funny dark-humor metallica
I yank open the cutlery drawer to be confronted with an anomaly worse than emails from dead people or a man with a gun sitting on my bed. It's a large carving knife with a viciously serrated edge and two broken teeth. It's tarnished with rust. It's not mine. And neither is the china figurine of a kitten with one paw playfully raised, also stained with rust. But it's not rust. It's not rust at all. Perversely, the thought that flashes through my brain is "I can haz murder weapon?" I laugh out loud, a sobbing hiccup.
Lauren BeukesTags: dark-humor lolcats
I tell you, little man, life's fall guys, beaten, fleeced to the bone, sweated from time immemorial, I warn you, that when the princes of this world start loving you, it means they're going to grind you up into battle sausage...
Louis-Ferdinand CélineTags: dark-humor
Nearly all a poor bastard's desires are punishable by jail.
Louis-Ferdinand CélineTags: dark-humor
It took me a moment. I blinked, and suddenly it swam into focus and I had to frown very hard to keep myself from giggling out loud like the schoolgirl Deb had accused me of being.
Because he had arranged the arms and legs in letters, and the letters spelled out a single small word: BOO.
The three torsos were carefully arranged below the BOO in a quarter-circle, making a cute little Halloween smile.
What a scamp.
Tags: humor crime dark-humor halloween dexter dismemberment dexter-morgan
However, for all his affection and loyalty towards the animal, the dog would soon be leaving him - they would both be present at a celebratory dinner when they reached the roof, he reflected with a touch of gallows-humour, but the poodle would be in the pot.
J.G. BallardTags: dogs dark-humor dog dinner j-g-ballard ballard high-rise james-graham-ballard jg-ballard dark-humour
Mr Cjelli, nice to see you back, sir. Sorry you had a spot of bother, hope that's all behind you now."
"Indeed, Bill, it is. You find me thriving. And Mrs Roberts? How is she? Foot still troubling her?"
"Not since she had it off, thanks for asking, sir. Between you and me, sir, I would've been just as happy to have had her amputated and kept the foot. I had a little spot reserved on the mantelpiece, but there we are, we have to take things as we find them."
(...)
"...thank you, and my best to what remains of Mrs Roberts.
Tags: humor dark-humor
I learned that it's okay to feel the way I do: that my life has no meaning unless I have a boyfriend. A real man is like the perfect vampire-boy and all the perfect guys in Twue Wuv.
Jess C. ScottTags: literary-criticism addiction drugs shallow dark-humor gluttony parody heroin pop-culture anti-twilight shallowness twilight-parody twilight-pun
People are sheep. TV is the shepherd.
Jess C. ScottTags: humor entertainment media television dark-humor mass-media herd-mentality sheep pop-culture sheeple hype mindlessness mainstream-media sheep-mentality
What's the whole point of being pretty on the outside when you’re so ugly on the inside?
Jess C. ScottTags: humor celebutard celebrity inner-beauty dark-humor pretty fake prettiness ugliness hype real-beauty plastic celebrity-culture plastic-surgery faking mainstream-media fake-people celebrity-gossip kim-kardashian shallow-appearances
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