My calculations - allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general's warning - concluded that they probably didn't stay behind for the tacos.
Darynda JonesTags: funny-humor dead-people charley-davidson
It weighed down on me like a rucksack filled with dog turds.
David WailingTags: funny-humor poo
I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it.
Patti LaBelleTags: people life-lessons laugh funny-humor
Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away.
Alex FlinnTags: funny funny-humor
When he woke, daylight was coming through the glass floor, and a boy's voice said, "Oh...You are in so much trouble.
Rick RiordanTags: funny-humor
Does he ever eat? Nope. Does he sleep during the day and only comes out at night? Yep. Is he so sexy you’d sell your soul to spend just a night with him? Double-yep. What other proof do you need?
Jayde ScottTags: funny-humor
Our conversation starts out pretty normal. Matthew does most of the talking, as usual. He tells me about Wesley. He tells me everything. Well, almost everything. I was lucky enough to stop him before he got into the explicit details. Wesley also helped by nudging him with his shoulder. He even covered Matthew's mouth when the conversation took a sudden turn because the word package was used. Yeah, the conversation went from sweet and romantic to soft-core porn in about two seconds.
L. ArthurTags: funny-humor
I understood it-until you tried to explain it.
Erin PrachtTags: funny-humor
It seems like I've only shut my eyes for a few minutes, but when I open them, I flinch at the sight of Haymitch sitting a couple of feet from my bed. Waiting. Possibly for several hours if the clck is right. I think about hollering for a witness, but I'm going to have to face him sooner or later.
Haymitch leans forward and dangles something on a thin white wire in front of my nose. It's hard to focus on, but I'm pretty sur what it is. He drops it in to the sheets. "That is your earpiece. I will give you exactly one more chance to wear it. If you remove it from your ear again, I'll have you fitted with this." He holds up some sort of metal headgear that I instantly name the head shackle. "It's alternative audio unit that locks around your skull and under your chin until it's opened with a key. And I'll have the only key. If for some reason you're clever enough to disable it" ---- Haymitch dumps the head shackle on the bed and whips out a tiny silver chip--- "I'll authorize them to surgically implant this transmitter into your ear so that I may speak to you twenty-four hours a day."
Haymitch in my head full-time. Horrifying. "I'll keep the earpiece in," I mutter
"Excuse me?" He says
"I'll keep the earpiece in!" I say loud enough to wake half the hospital.
"You sure? Because I'm equally happy with any of the three options," he tells me
"I'm sure," I say. I scrunch up the earpiece protectivley in my fist and fling the head shakle back in his face with my free hand, but he catches it easily. Probably was expecting me to throw it. "Anything else?"
Haymitch rises to go. "While I was waiting. . . I ate your lunch."
My eyes take in the empty stew bowl and tray on my bed table. "I'm going to report you," I mumble into my pillow.
"You do that sweetheart." He goes out, safe in the knowledge that I'm not the reporting kind.
Tags: funny-humor haymitch-and-katniss
You're doing fucking awesome, Colt whispers in my ear and I can't help but smile at that. Only he would use the word 'fuck' at my mom's funeral.
Nyrae DawnTags: funny-humor
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