You read a book for the story, for each of its words," Gordy said, "and you draw your cartoons for the story, for each of the words and images. And, yeah, you need to take that seriously, but you should also read and draw because really good books and cartoons give you a boner."
I was shocked:
"Did you just say books should give me a boner?"
"Yes, I did."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah... don't you get excited about books?"
"I don't think that you're supposed to get THAT excited about books."
"You should get a boner! You have to get a boner!" Gordy shouted. "Come on!"
We ran into the Reardan High School Library.
"Look at all these books," he said.
"There aren't that many," I said. It was a small library in a small high school in a small town.
"There are three thousand four hundred and twelve books here," Gordy said. "I know that because I counted them."
"Okay, now you're officially a freak," I said.
"Yes, it's a small library. It's a tiny one. But if you read one of these books a day, it would still take you almost ten years to finish."
"What's your point?"
"The world, even the smallest parts of it, is filled with things you don't know."
Wow. That was a huge idea.
Any town, even one as small as Reardan, was a place of mystery. And that meant Wellpinit, the smaller, Indian town, was also a place of mystery.
"Okay, so it's like each of these books is a mystery. Every book is a mystery. And if you read all of the books ever written, it's like you've read one giant mystery. And no matter how much you learn, you keep on learning so much more you need to learn."
"Yes, yes, yes, yes," Gordy said. "Now doesn't that give you a boner?"
"I am rock hard," I said.
Tags: reading books knowledge funny boners
It was because a great-looking man with no apparent mental defects found her attractive. Imagine feeling so buoyant over something so juvenile.
Maggie ShayneTags: funny
Then, almost as an afterthought, she turned and locked the bathroom door. If he thought he was going to seduce her, make her stupid enough to believe his lies by getting her into bed, he'd better think again. She stepped into the water. Besides, women didn't lose brain cells at the thought of sex. Only men did.
Maggie ShayneTags: funny
Well Connor thought ruefully At least now I know who to thank for my anger issues.
Justin SomperTags: funny comical connor vampirates
In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.
Johnny CarsonTags: humor insanity funny entertainment hollywood craziness psychotherapy therapy psycology
A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
George Bernard ShawTags: humor optimism pessimism funny
*Appendix usually means "small outgrowth from large intestine," but in this case it means "additional information accompanying main text." Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book.
Pseudonymous BoschTags: humor funny appendix boch pseudonymous
He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on top of the pile. "That should do for a start."
"You are a music lover," said the wide-eyed cashier.
"No, I'm a kleptomaniac." And she dashed out the door.
He was so utterly shocked that it took him a moment to run after her.
With a meaningful nod in the direction of the astounded Cahills, she barreled down the cobblestone street with her load.
"Fermati!" shouted the cashier, scrambling in breathless pursuit.
Nellie let a few CDs drop and watched with satisfaction over her shoulder as the clerk stopped to pick them up. The trick would be to keep the chase going just long enough for Amy and Dan to search Disco Volante.
Yikes, she reflected suddenly, I'm starting to think like a Cahill....
And if she was nuts enough to hang around this family, it was only going to get worse.
I want to make a memorial for our turkey. Never has a bird been so tortured to provide such a lousy dinner.
Laurie Halse AndersonTags: funny
This shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka!
Gerard WayTags: funny pie gerardway peasy pumpkins
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