You mean you don't want to come in and hold my hand while I piss?
Nenia CampbellTags: humor funny sarcasm michael
Christopher felt a smile -his first genuine smile in a long time- pulling at his lips. "Does Miss Hathaway have many suitors?"
"Oh, yes. But none of them want to marry her."
"Why is that, do you imagine?"
"They don't want to get shot," the child said, shrugging.
"Pardon?" Christopher's brows lifted.
"Before you marry, you have to get shot by an arrow and fall in love," the boy explained.
Tags: love marriage funny rye christopher
Don't you even watch gay porn?"
It was Ryan's turn to blush. "Not really. Sometimes. Not very often, though."
"Why not?"
He shrugged awkwardly. "It doesn't really turn me on."
"You need to watch better porn," Henry muttered.
Tags: truth funny hooray-for-good-porn
They thought more before nine a.m. than most people thought all month. I remember once declining cherry pie at dinner, and Rand cocked his head and said, 'Ahh! Iconoclast. Disdains the easy, symbolic patriotism.' And when I tried to laugh it off and said, well, I didn't like cherry cobbler either, Marybeth touched Rand's arm: 'Because of the divorce. All those comfort foods, the desserts a family eats together, those are just bad memories for Nick.'
It was silly but incredibly sweet, these people spending so much energy trying to figure me out. The answer: I don't like cherries.
Tags: patriotism childhood psychology funny logic simplicity memories symbolism irony thoughts divorce ironic psychologist the-mind iconoclast childhood-memories over-thinking broken-home bad-memories cherry-pie
how tall is it?" [The Harps]
"according to the sagas, it links through time and space and keeps our world and your world tethered together"
"Pretty big, then
Tags: funny sarcastic-humor
And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? 'All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.' That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.
George CarlinTags: humor truth fantasy funny myths humpty-dumpty nursery-tales
The intercom buzzes while you're changing your shirt. You push the Talk button: "Who is it?" "Narcotics squad. We're soliciting donations for children all over the world who have no drugs.
Jay McInerneyOne of the most jolting days of adulthood comes the first time you run out of toilet paper. Toilet paper, up until this point, always just existed. And now it's a finite resource, constantly in danger of extinction, that must be carefully tracked and monitored, like pandas?
Kelly Williams BrownTags: funny adulthood responsibility toilet-paper
His ears caught a sweet chiming noise, and a moment later a warm rush fell over his body. How we doing Rhage? Too hot? Butch's voice. Up close. The cop was in the shower with him. And he smelled Turkish tobacco. V must be in the bathroom too. Hollywood? This too hot for you? No. He reached around for the soap, fumbling. Can't see. Just as well. No reason for you to know what we look naked together. Frankly, I'm traumatized enough for the both of us. Rhage smiled a little as a washcloth scrubbed over his face, neck and chest.
J.R. WardTags: humor romance funny vampire
She was so funny, stubborn and courageous and I loved her. But all turned to be fake
M.F. MoonzajerTags: funny fake stubborn courageous loved
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