I was one of those. I meddled with dark powers. I
summoned demons. I ate the entire little cheese, including the rind.
Tags: funny magic cheese demons arcanist rind
Kapag punuan ang jeep at nagkataon na sinungaling ang driver sa pagsasabing "Lima pa, maluwag na maluwag pa yan", merong bagong sakay na pasahero ang bigla nalang tutuwad sa harap mo, sa pag-aakalang uusog ka, upang siya'y makaupo. Napaka awkward ng feeling, habang pinagmamasdan mo siya sa ganun posisyon pero wala ka namang magawa dahil puno na nga ang upuan. Doon mo nalaman kung anong feeling ng isang arinola.
Jayson G. BenedictoTags: funny filipino-authors
If a problem is clearly stated, it has no further interest to the physicist.
Peter DebyeTags: humor science funny physics problem interest nobel-laureate scientist physicists
Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going to see if we can handle that before we have kids." This is a little like testing the waters of being a vegetarian by having lettuce on your burger. Okay, maybe that metaphor doesn't make sense, but neither does using a dog as a training method for having a baby.
Jim GaffiganTags: children funny parenting pets kids
I used to wonder why I had hair on my legs, but now I know it's for my toddler sons and daughters to pull themselves up off the ground with as I scream in pain.
Jim GaffiganTags: funny parenting kids leg-hair
In the dark, Dave reached for Roger's hand as they watched the shadowed lovemaking. "Were we ever that beautiful?"
"You still are," Roger told him.
"Maybe we should make the most of the hurricane."
"This is definitely foreplay."
"It's like Tumblr, the live version.
Tags: funny tumblr awwwww-moments
What is it about shoes? I mean, I like most kind of clothes, but a fabulous pair of shoes can just reduce me to jelly. Sometimes, when no-one else is at home, I open my wardrobe and just stare at all my pairs of shoes, like some mad collector. And once I lined them all up on my bed and took a photograph of them. Which might seem a bit weird, but I thought, I've got loads of photos of people I don't really like, so why not take one of something I love?
Sophie KinsellaTags: funny shopaholic manhattan
The mind likes a strange idea as little as the body likes a strange protein and resists it with similar energy. It would not perhaps be too fanciful to say that a new idea is the most quickly acting antigen known to science. If we watch ourselves honestly we shall often find that we have begun to argue against a new idea even before it has been completely stated.
Wilfred TrotterTags: humor science energy mind strange funny ideas new-ideas scientist surgeon antigen neurosurgery-pioneer protein
She says, "I'll swear by the rose tattooed on my ass, that old man raped me."
Here, the funeral parade stops. At this point, Comrade Snarky is a victim among victims. The rest of us — just her supporting cast.
Mrs. Clark, leading us, she looks back and says, "He what?"
And from behind his camera, Agent Tattletale says, "Me, too. He raped me first."
Saint Gut-Free says, "Well what the hell...He poked me, too."
As if poor skinny Saint Gut-Free had enough ass left to poke.
And Mrs. Clark says, "This is not funny. Not in the least."
"Tough," the Matchmaker tells her. "It's wasn't funny, either, when you raped me."
Shaking his ponytail, the Duke of Vandals tells the Matchmaker, "You couldn't pay to get raped.
Tags: funny rape haunted victimization
Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it
Josh SternTags: humor love passion romance strange absurd funny crazy funny-and-random
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