Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody AllenI think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George CarlinTags: humor funny alcohol laugh warning-labels
I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.
George CarlinI hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour.
Nancy SpringerTags: funny mysteries witty holmes springer enola nancy
It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital.
Wes LocherTags: humor funny comedy hilarious essays anecdote
Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.
Ilona AndrewsTags: funny kate-daniels ilona-andrews-website magic-bleeds
Hello, Martin.
William SleatorTags: funny elevator fat-lady martin
I shook my head. "Not Interested" I said.
he straightened up. "Not interested in what?"
In you." I couldn't be more blunt.
Excuse me, miss, but I was going to ask if you would like to sign up for karaoke.
Tags: funny brett-kavanaugh the-missing-ink
Okay, I'll wear the Bite Me shirt,[...]It'll be my standard response to anyone who tries to hit on me." I giggle. "Someone can come up and be like 'Hey babe, what's your sign?' and I'll just point to my shirt." Rayne laughs appreciatively and tosses me the tank top. "Of course they might think you're pointing to your boobs in a 'have at 'em, big boy' kind of way.
Mari MancusiTags: funny
Get me outa here. F*ckin' creepy cheerleaders.
Lisa McMannTags: humor funny wake cabel lisa-mcmann
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