For a long moment the butler sat in silence, his jaw hanging open. “I . . . my lord, I simply don't feel qualified to advise you about such matters.”
“Don't tell me that,” Saint protested. “Tell me whether you can imagine me as a married man or not.”
To his surprise, the butler set aside his brandy snifter and sat forward. “My lord, I do not wish to overstep my bounds, but I have noticed a change in your demeanor of late. The question of whether anyone can imagine you married or not, however, is one I believe must be answered by you. And the lady, of course.”
Saint frowned. “Coward.”
“There is that, as well.
Don’t do that? This is your sage advice?”
“Yeah.” He burped and blew it out the side of his mouth. “Sorry, the burritos we had for lunch are kinda comin’ back on me.
...I blink back the threat of tears, swiped at my nose and narrowed my eyes. "Listen to me, you two bags of monkey shit, "I yelled. "I am not in a good mood. My car keeps stalling. The day before yesterday I threw up on Joe Morelli. I was called a fat cow by my ex-husband. And if that isn't enough...my hair is ORANGE! ORANGE, FOR CHRISSAKE! And now you have the gall to force yourself into my home and threaten my hamster. Well, you have gone too far. You have crossed the line!
Janet EvanovichTags: hilarious stephanie-plum
Will you show me what you really look like? You don't sparkle, do you?
Jennifer L. ArmentroutTags: hilarious sparkly daemon katy
Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.
Carroll BryantTags: humor humorous hilarious comical funny-but-true funny-humor funny-as-hell funny-but-sad
Roz to Amelia (the house ghost): How considerate of you, after trying to kill me, to see that I don't catch a cold.
Nora RobertsThe point is, if we find out you’ve been horrible to Harry —”
“— and make no mistake, we’ll hear about it.
“even if you won’t let Harry use the fellytone —”
“Telephone
Tags: hilarious tonks dursley lupin arthur-weasley
Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!
Rick RiordanTags: humor random funny hilarious rick-riordan laugh-out-loud the-son-of-neptune die-demigod-scum name-badge
June cackled with delight, muttering, "Whoops!" as a car almost killed them.
Rick RiordanTags: humor funny june hilarious rick-riordan the-son-of-neptune laugh-at-loud
Piers looked up at him. 'You're new. What's your name?'
'Neythen, my lord.'
'Sounds like a terrible illness. No, more like a bowel problem. I'm sorry, Lord Sandys, your son has contracted neythen and won't live a month. No, no, there's nothing I can do. Sandys would have preferred hearing that to syphilis.
Tags: funny hilarious teasing make-fun-of
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