America is bad at discriminating between danger likely to strike again, and red herrings, the freaking helpings of disaster that no man or plan can prevent.

Bill Maher

Tags: humor america



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I don't respect thinking that is dangerous, prejudicial, childish, and could get me killed.

Bill Maher

Tags: humor ignorance



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Of course, we in the West like to pat ourselves on the back and say we're more tolerant, and we are--but tolerance is not the same thing as acceptance. It just means, "We think you're crazy and going to hell, but we won't kill you for it--we'll tolerate you. But you don't know who the Man in the Sky is, and we do.

Bill Maher

Tags: humor acceptance religion tolerance religious-tolerance



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Of course, when you shut off your brain from rational analysis, any book is dangerous. Taking literally ancient parables from thousands of years ago is much more dangerous than playing with a loaded gun. Ancient scrawls, written by different authors in different centuries with different agendas--yeah, let's get mad literal about that.

The literalness problem is compounded in religion by the circular logic of not being allowed to question anything, or else you're lacking faith.

Bill Maher

Tags: humor religion bible logic rationality biblical-literalism literalism



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A diamond may be forever, but terrorism, promiscuously funded, will be too.

Let's make the connection clearly by tracing the path of the diamond. Diamonds start out in the earth, and eventually that earth is part of a country, like Sierra Leone, Angola, or the Democratic Republic of Congo. In those countries, desperate battles for control have been going on for decades, and the armies that fight the battles finance their ambitions with diamonds. Villagers are forced to mine the diamonds by ruthless rebels who maintain order through terror: by raping women and hacking off the limbs of the children, something, by the way, you never see in the De Beers ads. The rebels then smuggle the diamonds into neighboring dictatorships in exchange for guns and cash. There the diamonds are sold to the highest bidder--whether they be terrorists or "legitimate" dealers--and finally they're laundered in Europe, shipped to America, and end up in jewelry stores where they're purchased by men and given to women in exchange for oral sex.

In the feminized world we live in, it's practically national policy that women are more evolved that men--but if that's so, how come they're still so impressed by shiny objects?

Bill Maher

Tags: humor women war-on-terror blood-diamonds



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Sandwiches,' she said, 'like diamonds, are forever.

Muriel Spark

Tags: humor food



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The Church being what she is cannot have the instincts of a gentleman.

George Everett Macdonald

Tags: humor atheism funny criticism instinct the-church gentleman



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Simon went over to Jace and dropped the soup can into the cart. “So what was all that about?”
“I think,” Jace said, “that she asked if she could touch my mango.

Cassandra Clare

Tags: humor simon-and-jace mango



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Jace rolled his eyes. “It’s fascinating,” he said. “You know all these words, and they’re all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don’t make any sense.”
(Jace, to Simon)

Cassandra Clare

Tags: humor english sentences



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Had there been a lunatic asylum in the suburbs of Jerusalem, Jesus Christ would infallibly have been shut up in it at the outset of his public career. That interview with Satan on the pinnacle of the Temple would alone have damned him, and everything that happened after could but have confirmed the diagnosis.

H. Havelock Ellis

Tags: humor funny psychoanalysis jerusalem crazy-jesus lunatic-asylum



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