Get on a bus full of old people and you’ll understand what I mean. It’s easy to pick the woman who’s spent her life indulging herself in moral indignation, tightening her lips against mothers who are too young, mothers who are too old, young men with dangerous-looking haircuts, and Winifred Martin going off with May Charleston’s husband, and at their age, honestly. Yes, you’ll be able to pick her in a trice, since she’ll be the one with the cat's arse where her mouth ought to be.
Danielle WoodTags: humor funny face old-people
A few years back, an American Jewish feminist academic sent me a request for an interview... The professor presented herself as a `gender scholar`, another postmodernist discipline that fails to inspire my intellect. However, I was curious to see what a person who happens to be academically qualified in being a woman might come up with.
Gilad AtzmonWhat are you looking for?” she asked abruptly. “It’s rather rude for a gentleman to enter a lady’s room without permission.”
“I’m not a gentleman.”
“Really? I thought otherwise.
Tags: humor
Now I’ll just have to do without.”
She raised her eyebrows. “I’m sorry?”
Then Maximus did something very strange: he went on one knee before her.
“This isn’t right at all,” he said, continuing to glare as if he found it all her fault.
She sat up. “What are you doing?”
“Artemis Greaves, will you do me the honor of —”
“Are you insane?” she demanded. “What of your father? Your conviction that you must marry for the dukedom?”
“My father is dead,” he said softly. “And I’ve decided the dukedom can go hang.”
“But —”
“Hush,” he snapped. “I’m trying to propose to you properly even without my mother’s necklace.”
“But why?” she asked...
“I know that this is rather disappointing,” he said. “But I intend to make you respectable.
Tags: humor love marriage-proposal proposal
Balt Van Tassel was an easy indulgent soul; he loved his daughter better even than his pipe, and, like a reasonable man and an excellent father, let her have her way in everything.
Washington IrvingTags: humor wisdom fathers-and-daughters the-legend-of-sleepy-hollow washington-irving
With an air of confession, Jin lowered his voice. "Eggs come out of chickens' butts, you know.
Lois McMaster BujoldTags: humor
It’s said that sport is the civilised society’s substitute for war, and also that the games we play as children are designed to prepare us for the realities of adult life. Certainly it’s true that my brother thrived in the capitalist kindergarten of the Monopoly board, developing a set of ruthless strategies whose success is reflected in his bank balance even to this day. I, on the other hand, can still be undone by the kind of ridiculous sentimentality that would see me sacrifice anything, anything, in order to have the three matching red-headed cards of Fleet Street, Trafalgar Square and The Strand sitting tidily together on my side of the board.
Danielle WoodTags: humor life children funny sports sentimentality monopoly
Doubtful, but it did work...
"Annabeth?" Percy said again. "You're planning something. You've got that I'm-planning-something look."
"I don't have an I'm-planning-something look."
"Yeah, you totally do. Your eyebrows knit and your lips press together and ---"
"Do you have a pen?" she asked him.
"You're kidding, right?" He brought out Riptide.
"Yes, but can you actually write with it?"
"I--I don't know," he admitted. "Never tried.
Tags: humor annabeth-chase percy-jackson
It was a well-known fact that Lorna was leaving in six months’ time, since Lorna had been leaving in six months’ time for close to twenty-five years.
Danielle WoodThe silver car had been closing in, but just then, it took a sharp turn to the left. Where are they going? Leor wondered. But he decided to keep it to himself.
The cabby nodded and ran a hand through his hair. “Alright. Well, we’re here anyways.”
Leor saw the winery a few blocks down. “I thought you said it’d take ten minutes?”
“You made me nervous,” Claude retorted. “I drive fast when I’m nervous.”
“You should get that checked,” Leor replied. “It can’t be good for your kids. Or your wife.
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