Fred nodded and said, “So what you’re saying is, if we all die, that’s not even the worst-case scenario.”
John replied, “I’d still like to shoot a little higher than that, Freddy.
Tags: humor
No. We talked about this. I’m going home to eat a pie.
David WongTags: humor
I struggled for something to cling to, the way soldiers in foxholes picture their families, or a flag.
My car, I thought crazily. This fucker crashed the Wongmobile. And for that, he must taste death.
Tags: humor
We got back to my house to find it ransacked. It was difficult to tell because I’m not the world’s greatest housekeeper myself, but by the time I was in the kitchen I knew they had been here: I don’t normally keep the oven open. I whipped out the gun and prowled around the house, finding it empty. Amy asked what they were looking for. I dodged the question by pointing out what a pity it was they tossed the place because it was immaculate before they got here and that it was too bad she didn’t get to see it when it was clean. I went to the kitchen and ran water over my bleeding knuckles.
“Look,” Amy said, from behind me. “They threw laundry all over your floor in there.”
“Yeah. And they wore the clothes first, the bastards.
Tags: humor
Araminta had generally considered the laws of etiquette as the rules of the chase, and divided them into categories: those which everyone broke, all the time; those which one could not break without being frowned at; and those which caused one to be quietly and permanently left out of every future invitation to the field.
Naomi NovikTags: humor etiquette observations araminta decorum
How many great gems were lost to thought
and not put down to pen.
You can but think of just a few
and then they're lost again.
Tags: humor writing writing-craft poem memory-loss
Life is like a dry handjob. Just when it starts getting good, it’s already over.
Jayme K.Tags: humor science inspirational sex
If I could cook I wouldn’t have to study my ass off at school and I would have tried to find a man to support me as his lovely wife.
C.S. JamesI walked with a sexy, confident walk, just like Bambi on his first walk.
C.S. JamesI've got a cab waiting so we sh-" he stopped speaking as he entered the
sitting room, his eyes frozen on me.
"Fuck."
Ellie giggled.
I squinted an eye at him. "Is that a good fuck?"
He grinned. "Well you're that too, babe.
Tags: humor funny sexy-humor
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