The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification

Josh Stern

Tags: humor love passion romance strange absurd funny crazy insane funny-and-random

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If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

Josh Stern

Tags: humor love passion romance strange absurd funny crazy funny-and-random

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Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco

Josh Stern

Tags: humor love passion romance strange absurd funny crazy funny-and-random

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When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow

Josh Stern

Tags: humor love passion romance strange absurd funny crazy funny-and-random

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If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

Josh Stern

Tags: humor love passion romance strange absurd funny crazy funny-and-random

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Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

Josh Stern

Tags: humor love passion romance strange absurd funny crazy funny-and-random

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Ah, sahib. I know you just come to comfort a old man left to live by hisself. Soomintra say I too old-fashion. And Leela, she always by you. Why you don’t sit down, sahib? It ain’t dirty. Is just how it does look.’
Ganesh didn’t sit down. ‘Ramlogan, I come to buy over your taxis.

V.S. Naipaul

Tags: humor humour naipaul appearances trinidad post-colonial

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It was not long after that Ganesh saw a big new notice in the shop, painted on cardboard.
‘Is Leela self who write that,’ Ramlogan said. ‘I didn’t ask she to write it, mind you. She just sit down quiet quiet one morning after tea and write it off.’
It read:

NOTICE
NOTICE, IS. HEREBY; PROVIDED: THAT, SEATS!
ARE, PROVIDED. FOR; FEMALE: SHOP, ASSISTANTS!

Ganesh said, ‘Leela know a lot of punctuation marks.’
That is it, sahib. All day the girl just sitting down and talking about these puncturation marks. She is like that, sahib.

V.S. Naipaul

Tags: humor writing humour post-colonial

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You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars.

Charles Kuralt

Tags: humor food stars travel navigation dining

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Crotch-punchingly real!

David Wong

Tags: humor

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