Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humor



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I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Oscar Wilde

Tags: humor man god creation



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Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!

J.K. Rowling

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Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Anthony G. Oettinger

Tags: humor time misattributed-to-groucho-marx



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There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.

Bertrand Russell

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I am no king, and I am no lord,
And I am no soldier at-arms," said he.
"I'm none but a harper, and a very poor harper,
That am come hither to wed with ye."

"If you were a lord, you should be my lord,
And the same if you were a thief," said she.
"And if you are a harper, you shall be my harper,
For it makes no matter to me, to me,
For it makes no matter to me."

"But what if it prove that I am no harper?
That I lied for your love most monstrously?"

"Why, then I'll teach you to play and sing,
For I dearly love a good harp," said she.

Peter S. Beagle

Tags: humor inspirational love ending lyrics poe



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Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.

Zig Ziglar

Tags: humor bathing motivation



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Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

Garrison Keillor

Tags: humor cats absurd



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The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

Terry Pratchett

Tags: humor



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Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.

William Goldman

Tags: humor love beauty absurd conceit



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