This country would get along much better if people learned how to suffer in silence.
Neil GaimanTags: humorous-quotes
I apply for a new job twice a week, every week. I am applying for the position of millionaire but so far my numbers haven't come up.
Brian RandleasTags: humor humorous-quotes
Society teaches us that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The bill of rights informs us that we have the right to keep it to ourselves.
Brian RandleasTags: humorous humorous-quotes
Kope!” the other guy yeled. “What the frick?! You got some cheetah blood in you or what?”“Seriously!” insisted Blake. “How did you run so fast?”
“I am African.” Without taking his eyes from mine, Kopano eased himself off me, and I sat up.
Tags: humorous-quotes
I’m looking for mushrooms. Giant ones, specifically of the deadly poisonous variety.”
“How come?”
“Monday is Teacher Appreciation Day, and I was thinking of making a nice quiche for Miss Keener.
Tags: humorous-quotes
Science and discovery, especially in the field of non-abnormal pediatric mysteries, is built on the work of those who have been sneezed on before us. Causation and rationale may someday be reached, but until then it is the heartwarming and parental nature of the journey that drives us on; well, that and a fresh box of Kleenex.
Spuds CrawfordTags: funny parenting humorous-quotes
She looked like a dead Teletubby.
Babe WalkerTags: humor humorous-quotes
The other shoppers were too well behaved to stare at the green-headed stoner and the tear-streaked lady zigzagging up the aisles with a chubby bearded guy scurrying behind them picking up the things they dropped.
Amy Goldman KossTags: humor irony hardships humorous-quotes
Among wilderness survival tips, punching a wild animal in the face probably isn’t on a checklist.
Kat KrugerTags: wilderness humorous-quotes
Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale - to the Jag mobile.
Ben AaronovitchTags: humorous-quotes
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