...I like the way Chee kept God magical, sorta like Santa Claus when you're a kid. More priests should take this approach, because there is a frickin' reason why Santa Claus is more popular than Jesus nowadays.

Matthew Quick

Tags: religion humorous



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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.

George Carlin

Tags: humorous



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Jack's doctors have told him he is crazy… but, the truth is, it's the Voices who are crazy, not him.

Jennifer Daydreamer

Tags: madness dream humorous



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When one is too old for love, one finds great comfort in good dinners.

Zora Neale Hurston

Tags: humorous



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Didn't know you could measure distance so well with nothing but you bloody eyeballs

James Dashner

Tags: humorous



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literally: This word should be deleted. All too often, actions described as “literally” did not happen at all. As in, “He literally jumped out of his skin.” No, he did not. Though if he literally had, I’d suggest raising the element and proposing the piece for page one. Inserting “literally” willy-nilly reinforces the notion that breathless nitwits lurk within this newsroom. Eliminate on sight—the usage, not the nitwits. The nitwits are to be captured

Tom Rachman

Tags: humorous pedantic



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He soon acquired the forlorn look that one sees in vegetarians.

Gabriel García Márquez

Tags: vegetarianism humorous



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I can be a regular bitch. Just try me.

Stieg Larsson

Tags: humorous



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She shrugged and flipped her glossy hair behind her shoulders. "What else do you have to do with your time besides think about stuff like this? It's not like you're real heavy into extracurriculars. Besides, you're all, like, goth and into the dead, right?"
Alona Dare, queen of the insult-compliment. "Wow. Thanks. Anyone ever tell you you're good with people?"
She frowned. "No."
"Good. I'm not goth."
"Your hair is black, you have piercings, you wear black all the time and act all freaky-"
"My hair is naturally this color. I have three earings in one ear, that's it. This shirt" -I tugged at the fabric across my chest- "is navy blue, and if I act weird all the time, it's because of ghosts like you.

Stacey Kade

Tags: humorous



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To ugly ducklings everywhere,
Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:
They'll never get to be swans

Zoë Marriott

Tags: inspirational funny self-image humorous sweet clever cute cool humor-inspirational



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