He, Cromwell, says to his visitors, just tell them this, and tell them loud: to each monk, one bed: to each bed, one monk. Is that so hard for them?
Hilary MantelThey say she has all the gentlemen of the king’s privy chamber, one after another. She don’t like delay so they all stand in a line frigging their members, till she shouts, “Next.
Hilary MantelTags: humour
I mean, it's a good job we've got a last desperate million-to-one chance to rely on, or we'd really be in trouble!
Terry PratchettTags: humour carrot last-stand
So this is it. You are scored on my heart, Clark. You were from the first day you walked in, with your ridiculous clothes and your bad jokes and your complete inability to ever hide a single thing you felt.
Jojo MoyesWith an unseen inner-smile, the beetle carried on its journey, rolling manure. It had decided that stones were not to its liking. It was happy in its life and its life, quite literally, was a lump of shit.
Stephen CraigHe was under the mistaken impression that I didn't have enough tact.
The truth was, I had no tact.
Tags: humour
It was entirely possible I would sexually assault him if I got too close.
Caroline HansonTags: humour
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
Ricky GervaisTags: humor christianity religion atheism humour comedy rationality scepticism skepticisim
They tried their best. Shayna and Emme crawled along their bellies in true Rambo-meets– Bridget Jones style
Cecy RobsonTags: humour celia-s-thoughts
Are you all right?''
I nodded my damn chicken head and prayed prayed like the world and all the victims of war, famine, and disease counted on it. God… please dont let me lay an egg. Not now
Tags: humour celia-s-thoughts
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