Euthanasia" is an excellent and comforting word! I am grateful to whoever invented it.

Bram Stoker

Tags: humour



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Is she dead?" called Zenda.
Sort of," I shouted, "And the pizza's completely fucked too.

Michael Marshall Smith

Tags: humour



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Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.

Jasper Fforde

Tags: wisdom time humour tea bacon problem hot-baths reconnaissance



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First of all, you must never speak of anything by its name -- in that country. So, if you see a tree on a mountain, it will be better to say 'Look at the green on the high'; for that's how they talk -- in that country. And whatever you do, you must find a false reason for doing it -- in that country. If you rob a man, you must say it is to help and protect him: that's the ethics -- of that country. And everything of value has no value at all -- in that country. You must be perfectly commonplace if you want to be a genius -- in that country. And everything you like you must pretend not to like; and anything that is there you must pretend is not there -- in that country. And you must always say that you are sacrificing yourself in the cause of religion, and morality, and humanity, and liberty, and progress, when you want to cheat your neighbour -- in that country."

Good heavens!" cried Iliel, 'are we going to England?

Aleister Crowley

Tags: humor humour england



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I'm a poet, and I like my lies the way my mother used to make them.

Aleister Crowley

Tags: humor humour



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Don't talk for five minutes, there's a good chap! I've a strange feeling come over me--almost as if I were going to think!

Aleister Crowley

Tags: humor humour



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Language is my whore, my mistress, my wife, my pen-friend, my check-out girl. Language is a complimentary moist lemon-scented cleansing square or handy freshen-up wipette. Language is the breath of God, the dew on a fresh apple, it's the soft rain of dust that falls into a shaft of morning sun when you pull from an old bookshelf a forgotten volume of erotic diaries; language is the faint scent of urine on a pair of boxer shorts, it's a half-remembered childhood birthday party, a creak on the stair, a spluttering match held to a frosted pane, the warm wet, trusting touch of a leaking nappy, the hulk of a charred Panzer, the underside of a granite boulder, the first downy growth on the upper lip of a Mediterranean girl, cobwebs long since overrun by an old Wellington boot.

Stephen Fry

Tags: humour language linguistics a-bit-of-fry-and-laurie



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Getting to a higher spiritual level is like increasing your credit score. You get a lot more points for sinning and repenting than if you have no credit history at all.

Lisa Kleypas

Tags: humour religious



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I was glad to be made aware
that “Veimke” (jeune fille au pair),
is subject to natural law,
and can be made fat,
by such things as poor diet,
and alcohol.

Roman Payne

Tags: humor humour diet alcohol germans nanny roman-payne au-pair jeune-fille-au-pair



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Darling, when things go wrong in life, you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail...

Sophie Kinsella

Tags: inspirational humour lifestyle women-s-strength



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