I did so many bad things to your god; if he or she exists; would have been pregnant now.

M.F. Moonzajer

Tags: god atheism atheist pregnant



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What did your mom say?"
"She said I better not be pregnant."
Janie snorts. "What the hell is wrong with our parents, anyway? Wait -- you're not, are you?"
"Of course not! Sheesh, Janers! I may not have gotten the best grades in school, but I'm not stupid. You know I'm on the Pill. And his Jimmy doesn't get near me without a raincoat, yadamean? Ain't nothin' getting through my little fortress!

Lisa McMann

Tags: sex funny pregnant gone carrie lisa lisa-mcmann janie dream-catcher jimmy stu wake-series mcmann janers raincoat



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I hate”relative term”, it is everywhere cause even men are relatively pregnant.

M.F. Moonzajer

Tags: pregnant relative-term



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It's because I'm pregnant, Christian."
He snorts, and his mouth twists into an ironic smile. "If I knew getting you knocked up was going to make you eat, I might have done it earlier.

E.L. James

Tags: humor funny christian eating eat pregnant fifty-shades e-l-james fifty-shades-of-grey christian-grey fifty-shades-freed ana anastasia-steele anastasia-grey



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And the baby?" The words are anguished, breathless.
"The baby's fine, Mr. Grey."
"Oh, thank God." The words are litany... a prayer, "Oh, thank God.

E.L. James

Tags: pregnancy baby pregnant anastasia fifty-shades e-l-james fifty-shades-of-grey christian-grey fifty-shades-freed ana anastasia-grey



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You are pregnant, with child, in the family way. People, some of whom you hardly know, will begin to comment on your belly size. They might even give it a rub, like you have strapped an animal of some kind in your front side and given total strangers permission to pet you at their leisure.

Amy E. Spiegel

Tags: pregnancy pregnant pregnancy-humor



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You’re getting ahead of yourself, Danika!” she said bracingly. “One thing at a time. Those home things can be wrong! Don’t panic until it’s time to panic! Maybe you’re just dying of some horrible disease and you aren’t even pregnant at all?

Madelaine Montague

Tags: humor pregnant



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