Our story opens where countless stories have ended in the last twenty-seven years: with an idiot—in this case, Rebecca Atherton, head of the After the End Times Irwins, winner of the Golden Steve-o Award for valor in the face of the undead—deciding it would be a good idea to go out and poke a zombie with a stick to see what happens.
Mira GrantTags: humor first-sentence zombies
His question is pretty dangerous for me to try to answer, so I don’t—it continues to hang out there like the stained underwear at a slumber party that goes unclaimed.
Jen NaumannTags: humor ya zombies humorous-quotations young-adult-fiction
Jett Gallatin expected trouble in Alsop, Texas—but not zombies.
Mercedes LackeyTags: first-sentence zombies
I’d once again see that bob of blonde hair back on my pillow, that pink hot smile beaming toward me as I heroically win her heart in some kind of Count of Monte Cristo or Great Gatsby-esque gesture… you know minus the long imprisonment or swimming pool death!
Tom ConradTags: love heroes obsession apocalypse gatsby zombies end-of-the-world heroic anti-love infected twisted-love
He grumbles incoherently, opens the window a fraction and continues to smoke away. It’s like every time Sidney Drake enters a new location he has to readjust the atmosphere, akin to one of those sci-fi shows where they oxygenate the planet, but for my dad it’s in a suffocating reverse. He replaces the clean wholesome air with a non-stop puff of toxic poison.
Tom ConradTags: smoking sci-fi apocalypse zombies star-trek air end-of-the-world oxygen breathe family-saga
Hippos are the very definition of Disney cute. There is no way you could look at a big, fat, squishy, huggable hippo and not think, "Id she could talk like a human, she would sound just like Jada Pinkett Smith and be oh so sassy." You would totally name her Sassy-baskets, and she would be your tutu-wearing, ballet-dancing, strut-walking pal for life. Just you and Sassy-baskets against the world!
Cracked.comTags: humor internet zombies sassy hippos
They say a happy childhood is a lousy preparation for life. Kids who spend their playground days fat, ginger or gay know the truth. The world has always been full of vicious predators. For plenty of people this carnage and savagery is business as usual.
Adam BakerTags: life childhood gay zombies
When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is.
* If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off.
* If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life.
* Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian.
Tags: humor zombie zombies funny-quotes zombie-apocalypse assholery
Maybe they’re not as mindless as we thought, or so dedicated to turning every last human into one of them. Like Kalyn says, they were just bored, waiting for something better to happen.
And that better thing is us.
Tags: zombies
She hugs me. It's tentative at first, a little scared, and yes, a little repulsed, but then she melts into it. She rests her head against my cold neck and embraces me. Unable to believer what's happening, I put my arm around her and just hold her.
I almost swear I can feel my heart thumping. But it must just be hers, pressed tightly against my chest.
Tags: zombies post-apocalyptic warm-bodies
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