Here is a drawing of a stapler:

Dave Eggers


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Hello Frances, I have just been to health class, and I was wondering how your feminine parts were developing.

Dave Eggers


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If you think I'm annoying and preachy now, you should have known me in grade school.

Dave Eggers


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I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I'm very happy.

Dave Eggers

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Many of the members of the class had never held ice.

Dave Eggers

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But while Sasha told us that in America even the most successful men can have but one wife at once--my father had six--and talked about escalators, indoor plumbing, and the various laws of the land, he did not warn us that I would be told by American teenagers that I should go back to Africa.

Dave Eggers

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Why do we pursue information that we know will never leave our heads?

Dave Eggers


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Did you hear that crazy man? we said.
--Education is your mother? we said.
We laughed and did imitations. We thought Mr. Kondit, like more than a few of the men and boys who had crossed the desert to get to Ethiopia, had lost his mind along the way.

Dave Eggers


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Because secrets do not increase in value if kept in a gore-ian lockbox, because one's past is either made useful or else mutates and becomes cancerous. We share things for the obvious reasons: it makes us feel un-alone, it spreads the weight over a larger area, it holds the possibility of making our share lighter. And it can work either way - not simply as a pain-relief device, but, in the case of not bad news but good, as a share-the-happy-things-I've-seen/lessons-I've-learned vehicle. Or as a tool for simple connectivity for its own sake, a testing of waters, a stab at engagement with a mass of strangers.

Dave Eggers


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It was always difficult to get cattle returned once a marriage was dissolved.

Dave Eggers


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