This is the breaking point in a human life, right here. This is waking up on an operating table to find aliens peering down at you, this is hearing the audible voice of God telling you the date the world will end. This is seeing a family of bigfoots in the forest and being without a camera.

Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It’ll be time to start a website soon.

David Wong


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Fred whispered, “Okay. If I don’t come back, and say they don’t got my body, like if Justin eats me or somethin’, tell everybody you don’t know what happened. Make it mysterious. And then a year later spread rumors that you’ve seen me wanderin’ around town. That way I’ll be like fuckin’ Bigfoot, everybody claiming to have seen me here and there. Legend of Fred Chu.” John nodded, as if he were committing this to memory. He lit his own firebombs, glanced up at me and asked,“You got any final requests, in case this don’t end well?” “Yeah. Avenge my death.

David Wong


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Marconi said, "I see you have your instruments. Can any of you sing? The old spirituals work best."
John said, "I can sing."
I said, "No, you can't, John."
"Well, I play the guitar."
"So can I," said Big Jim. "We have two guitars."
I said, "This could not be any stupider."
John said, "Dave, you remember the words to 'Camel Holocaust'?"
"Ah, once again, you prove me wrong, John.

David Wong


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I once saw Arnold Schwarzenegger kill a man in a movie by grabbing his head and twisting it until the neck broke. Was that difficult? Could a man do it without a lot of practice?

David Wong


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Fred said, “Man, I think he’s gonna make a fuckin’ suit of human skin, using the best parts from each of us.”
“Holy crap,” said John. “He’ll be gorgeous.

David Wong

Mots clés humour horror



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...and - holy shit was this song bad. It was like the singer was stabbing my ear with a dagger made of dried turds.

David Wong

Mots clés music humour criticism analogies bad-rap



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John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”.....
..."Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination.

David Wong

Mots clés humour penises hilarity dick-jokes stupid-boys



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When a man plans, a woman laughs.

David Wong

Mots clés paraphrased men women plans humour gender-stereotypes



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But remember, there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.

David Wong


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We're talking about a tentacled flying lamp fucker, Dave. What are you prepared to call unlikely?

David Wong

Mots clés humor



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