I'd do you."

"I think you did once" I say.

"Oh yeah.

Fanny Merkin

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I feel naked in my Tommy hoodie and Victoria's Secret sweatpants with PINK written across the ass. The sweatpants aren't pink though - they're gray. This always confuses me when I put them on, because shouldn't they say GRAY - on the backside? Maybe Victoria's secret is she's colorblind.

Fanny Merkin

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Soon, we are as naked as the day we were born. Except, y'know, were not covered in blood and attached to our mothers by umbilical cords.

Fanny Merkin

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HOLY MOTHER EFFING SPARKLY VAMPIRES IS HE HOT

Fanny Merkin

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Walmart suddenly smells like a prosti-tot pageant.

Fanny Merkin

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I gaze into his gazing eyes gazingly like a gazelle gazing into another gazelle's gazing gaze.

Fanny Merkin

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I walk through the glass doors and into the lobby, which is floor-to-ceiling glass and steel. This fascinates me to no end, because buildings back in Portland are made of grass and mud.

Fanny Merkin

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I stare at her blankly. We don't have elevators in Portland. "This is my first elevator ride. How do they work exactly?

Fanny Merkin

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