There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. F*ck Hope.

George Carlin


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Whenever you hear the phrase zero tolerance, remember, someone is bullshitting you.

George Carlin


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I think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then getting on with their lives. What is really needed for public officials who shame themselves is ritual suicide.

George Carlin

Mots clés humor funny sarcasm



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Homemade is a myth. You want to know some things that are homemade? Crystal meth. Crack cocaine. A pipe bomb full of nails. Now we're talkin' homemade.

George Carlin


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Never approach a crying woman entering a sports bar carrying a harpoon gun.

George Carlin

Mots clés humor



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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.

George Carlin

Mots clés argument fallacy excuse pathetic god-of-the-gaps



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And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? 'All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.' That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.

George Carlin

Mots clés humor truth fantasy funny myths humpty-dumpty nursery-tales



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I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise. I think people in America sold out very cheaply, for sneakers and cheeseburgers. And I don't think it's fixable

George Carlin


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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

George Carlin

Mots clés humor sarcasm



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We're going away. Pack your shit, folks. We're going away. And we won't leave much of a trace, either. Thank God for that. Maybe a little Styrofoam. Maybe. A little Styrofoam. The planet'll be here and we'll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet'll shake us off like a bad case of fleas. A surface nuisance.

George Carlin


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