There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. F*ck Hope.
George CarlinWhenever you hear the phrase zero tolerance, remember, someone is bullshitting you.
George CarlinI think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then getting on with their lives. What is really needed for public officials who shame themselves is ritual suicide.
George CarlinStichwörter: humor funny sarcasm
Homemade is a myth. You want to know some things that are homemade? Crystal meth. Crack cocaine. A pipe bomb full of nails. Now we're talkin' homemade.
George CarlinNever approach a crying woman entering a sports bar carrying a harpoon gun.
George CarlinStichwörter: humor
The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
George CarlinStichwörter: argument fallacy excuse pathetic god-of-the-gaps
And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? 'All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.' That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.
George CarlinStichwörter: humor truth fantasy funny myths humpty-dumpty nursery-tales
I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise. I think people in America sold out very cheaply, for sneakers and cheeseburgers. And I don't think it's fixable
George CarlinI had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George CarlinWe're going away. Pack your shit, folks. We're going away. And we won't leave much of a trace, either. Thank God for that. Maybe a little Styrofoam. Maybe. A little Styrofoam. The planet'll be here and we'll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet'll shake us off like a bad case of fleas. A surface nuisance.
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