I launder dirty money. You should see my washing machine. (It’s filthy!)
Jarod KintzI don’t have a blue-collar job. It’s more of a green collar, because of all the yellow sweat stains mixing in.
Jarod KintzA farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew back.
Jarod KintzMy brain is an amazing machine. Too bad I can’t take credit for it. As brilliant as I am, think how profound the Designer that created me is.
Jarod KintzHellos are ascending in speed, not slowing down like goodbyes. I may say hi as I swerve my car to greet you head on.
Jarod KintzI don’t know the man standing next to me in the mirror. He looks like me, so is he my clone? He is scratching my balls. (How thoughtful!)
Jarod KintzTo take another person’s life for personal gain is the most selfish act imaginable. Especially when that other person is your clone.
Jarod KintzMy clone will have my mind, but I don’t mind. Two heads are better than one—especially when those two are one and the same.
Jarod KintzThe morning came pouring down on my night, but luckily I was able to convert my erection into an umbrella.
Jarod KintzGetting struck by lightning is like winning the lottery, only it’ll ruin your life faster.
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