Grow a garden. When there’s a food shortage in the future, you’ll need it. And when people try to steal your food and you shoot them, you’ll also need a good place to hide the bodies.
Jarod KintzIf I’m homeless and pushing a shopping cart filled with all my worldly possessions, don’t be surprised to see me stopped behind a few cars in the turning lane, because I’ve got to get off this road.
Jarod KintzI talk about talking like I listen to listening—in a room with mirrored walls that makes me appreciate the infinity that is God.
Jarod KintzI ate a Danish. Better than eating someone from Finland.
Jarod KintzI threw out my sausage, and replaced it with a healthier penis metaphor, like a cucumber.
Jarod KintzNonstop sunny days would be boring. We need the gloom to highlight the highs.
Jarod KintzEars of corn can listen better than me when they’re still in the ground.
Jarod KintzMy name is spelled “Spelled,” but it’s pronounced “Pronounced.
Jarod KintzDon’t expect my hand to extend out of her vagina and accept the charity of strangers.
Jarod KintzThe proof is in the putting. But it’s sexier to be taking off (just don’t take off without me).
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