I had a dream about you. You were a lone candle on a barren vanilla cake, and I was the mighty breath sent to extinguish your light. I felt like God’s wrath coming down to destroy the Illuminati, while you probably thought I was the Satan coming to snuff out the light of the world. And the spectators who were gathered around the spectacle probably thought it was all one big party, as they stood still like mindless zombies singing “Happy Birthday.”
Jarod KintzI had a dream about you. You had just died, and I was debating putting your body into either a coffin or a shoebox. My decision was based solely on spatial concerns, so I chose the ashtray, because I thought it best to smoke your essence like a cigarette.
Jarod KintzLove is like breakfast with Mildred. Who’s Mildred? How the heck should I know? I don’t eat breakfast.
Jarod KintzLove is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.
Jarod KintzI coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love is as dangerous as my drinking habits.
Jarod KintzI just acquired a choir. I bought it for a song.
Jarod KintzI think a cool band name would be War Dwarf. Of course, I’m entirely too tall and peaceful to be a member. Not to mention nonmusical.
Jarod KintzI’m not in manufacturing, but I make something. I make a difference. But to be honest, I think China can make it cheaper.
Jarod KintzExtended family is great. If you want to know how extended your family is, just go out and win the lottery. Your phone will be ringing nonstop. And you know I'll call you too, because I'm your fifth cousin on your father's side.
Jarod KintzThere are so many cheeses that I can't keep track of all their names. The dairy farmers should simplify things and name every cheese after me.
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