I'm off for two weeks, so until I get back, take the characters in this tweet and parcel them out one per day. Use this Q wisely.
Stephen ColbertMots clés humour holidays twitter
If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
Stephen ColbertMots clés humour wishes pants twitter
After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.
Stephen ColbertMots clés humour google twitter hypochondria
Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.
Stephen ColbertMots clés humour film twitter backstories sequels
Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.
Stephen ColbertMots clés science sex humour beer alcohol 2012 twitter cannabis non-alcoholic-beverages non-penetrative-sex substance-intoxication
Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
Stephen ColbertMots clés humour 2012 email twitter hacking mitt-romney
NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter's 140-character limit, so it's not happ
Stephen ColbertMots clés politics global-warming humour law north-carolina twitter right-wing-politics climate-change-denial
The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
Stephen ColbertThat’s why our TVs are brimming with so much hot man-on-pan action. You can’t channel surf for long without seeing turkey getting stuffed over and over until they finally cut to the gravy shot.
Stephen ColbertMots clés humor
Don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying yes begins things. Saying yes is how things grow. Saying yes leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.
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