I was just going over London Bridge and I saw someone had attacked the Madonna's statue. Knocked off the baby's head.’
‘That was done a while back. It would be that devil Cranmer. You know what he is when he's taken a drink.

Hilary Mantel

Mots clés humour



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Your fate is writ clear; you will be murdered. I cannot conceive how it comes about that you were not murdered long since!"
"How odd! Charles himself once said that to me, or something like it!"
"There is nothing odd in it; any sensible man must say it!

Georgette Heyer

Mots clés humor humour regency



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In the past five minutes, I had managed to tease my libido, scald my crotch, and catch a world-class elbow with my forehead.

B. Justin Shier

Mots clés humour funny



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Go Ahead, call me all the names you want," Sansa said airily. "You won't dare when I'm married to Joffrey. You'll have to bow and call me Your Grace." She shrieked as Arya flung the orange across the table. It caught her in the middle of the forehead with a wet squish and plopped down into her lap.
"You have juice on your face, Your Grace ," Arya said.

George R.R. Martin

Mots clés humour sansa-stark arya-stark



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This was how I would die. Strangled by an attractive, seminaked woman inside a fridge with a giant tarantula in the middle of a sea of carnivorous jam. As I blacked out, all I could think of was a fortune teller I'd spoken to a few years ago, and how full of shit she'd turned out to be.

Yahtzee Croshaw

Mots clés death humour hindsight dying black-humor



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...Recognising, as I do, that you are the second highest expert in Europe--"
"Indeed, sir! May I inquire who has the honour to be the first?" Asked Holmes, with some asperity.
"To the man of precised, scientific mind the work of Monsieur Bertillon must always appeal strongly."
"Then had you not better consult him?"
"I said, sir, to the precisely scientific mind. But as a practical man of affairs it is acknowledged that you stand alone. I trust, sir, that I have not inadvertently--"
"Just a little," said Holmes.

Arthur Conan Doyle

Mots clés sherlock-holmes humour hound-of-the-baskervilles



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You can't always be right, but you can be wrong a lot less

Benny Bellamacina

Mots clés wisdom life philosophy humour



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The mice were furious."
[...]
"Oh yes," said the old man mildly.
"Yes well so I expect were the dogs and cats and duckbilled platypuses, but..."
"Ah, but they hadn't paid for it you see, had they?"
"Look," said Arthur, "would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?"
[...]
"Earthman, the planet you lived on was commissioned, paid for, and run by mice. It was destroyed five minutes before the completion of the purpose for which it was built, and we've got to build another one."
Only one word registered with Arthur.
"Mice?" he said.
"Indeed Earthman."
"Look, sorry - are we talking about the little white furry things with the cheese fixation and women standing on tables screaming in early sixties sit coms?"
Slartibartfast coughed politely.
"[...] These creatures you call mice, you see, they are not quite as they appear. They are merely the protrusion into our dimension of vast hyperintelligent pandimensional beings. The whole business with the cheese and the squeaking is just a front."
The old man paused, and with a sympathetic frown continued.
"They've been experimenting on you, I'm afraid.

Douglas Adams

Mots clés humour science-fiction british



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A five-week sand blizzard?" said Deep Thought haughtily. "You ask this of me who have contemplated the very vectors of the atoms in the Big Bang itself? Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff.

Douglas Adams

Mots clés humour science-fiction british



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You don't need a big pen to write a tall story

Benny Bellamacina

Mots clés wisdom life philosophy humour quotes



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