I paused finally and watched the trees for slashes of light, but saw none. As my heart settled and my ears became less occupied I listened and heard nothing but the thready pulse of the night. And I sensed that the hunt was over. I'd been prey and now I was not. Prey knows this. Prey knows when it has escaped.

Augusten Burroughs


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The line between normal and crazy seemed impossibly thin. A person would have to be an expert tightrope walker in order not to fall.

Augusten Burroughs


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Give me down. And give me the Polaroids of the fifty geese that had to die in the process.

Augusten Burroughs

Tag: humor



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I will please shut the hell up the day you please drop the hell dead

Augusten Burroughs


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I was learning that if I lived slightly in the future-what will happen next-I didn't have to feel so much about what was going on in the present.

Augusten Burroughs


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Our lives are one endless stretch of misery punctuated by processed fast foods and the occasional crisis or amusing curiosity.

Augusten Burroughs

Tag: sadly-true



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I could not imagine the kind of person that would, upon seeing a crazy talcum-powder-covered Southern lady think to herself, Hmmmm, she might make a great new friend. The line between normal and crazy seemed impossibly thin.

Augusten Burroughs

Tag: humor insanity



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I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stunned by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, "Hi." They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word.

Augusten Burroughs

Tag: bravery risk opportunity lonliness social-anxiety



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I nodded again, but I knew I would not grow up to drive a bulldozer. It would be awful to be dirty all day like these men. I didn't say it, but at best I would keep one in the backyard, like a goat.

Augusten Burroughs

Tag: growing-up work aspirations



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I love you," she said, and I knew she meant it because she spoke the words from the heart at the center of her chest. This, at least, had not been left behind at the hospital.

Augusten Burroughs

Tag: love heart



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